What if I were a Mom?

Oh, boy, this one is tough. But I really do want to have a baby someday. I'm thinking maybe it's kinda cool to be a single parent, which is what I probably will end up being. You know, no other people telling you what to do, how to raise your child. No husband to take care of (who doesn't really want to have a baby in the first place). Just you, and that little tiny being so little and dependent on you for love, attention and support. Of course, having babies are financially tough. But hey, it's just what if.
How happy it will be to have someone who will finally soak in my love and give it back in return. It just seems so fulfilling to see a mother and child share a deep connection. I'm kinda longing for that kind of connection.
Allan and I kinda talked about children. We talked about baby names. We talked about having babies...but not really with each other, you understand. Just talking about children in general.
Rai asked me how I'd feel if I were pregnant. I was taken aback, really. Because I wasn't sure how I'd feel. I'd panic maybe. I wouldn't know how to deal with it.
Jeez. This entry is hard.